mindGrazing

chewing ideas down to stubble, then moving on…

Semi-Charmed Life

Posted by Jason on December 17, 2008

My life is great. I have a job (it’s not the best job but it’s a job). I have a wonderful wife, a mortgage I can actually afford, two great dogs, and a very cool family supports me in anything I do. I don’t have major strife with my parents anymore: I actually like hanging out with them a whole lot. My sister is one of my best friends in the world. I have good friends here at home and in several places throughout the country. Life is good…

So what’s with my frustrations lately? I’m either depressed or angry about something, or both. I’m fairly certain (not from any real scientific knowledge) that men, especially me, have emotional ups and downs. I call my downs “He-MS” and I usually get kind of bummed for a while and then it gets better. It could also be mild depression that creeps in at various times throughout the year. I know this is a contributing factor in the past few weeks.

But what the hell else is wrong with me? I’m very annoyed at the status quo of things. I feel unsettled in the fact that I’m fairly settled. I crave routine but abhor stagnation. I want to relax but I hate myself when I do nothing. I’m in a giant rush to find stability. Once I have that stability, I get stir-crazy. 

Perhaps this is my payback for being a militant moderate in life. I hate going to one extreme or the other. Heck, I hate even looking toward one side or another from my perfectly middle position. I have a good yin and yang going, but isn’t zen supposed to be peaceful? What’s the deal?

Maybe I should stop being a bitch and be thankful for what I have, because I’m hooked up pretty sweet in this life. Maybe I’m frustrated because I’ve never really been tested. Why should other people have to suffer and not me? The words of that Third Eye Blind song have been coming to my brain in the past day or so: “I want somethin else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life…” 

Too bad I don’t even know what it is that I’m seeking to get me through…

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2 Responses to “Semi-Charmed Life”

  1. layrenewal said

    Hey Jason – check out my posting on being a dad who has a son w/Tourette’s. I felt so blessed in life with only a few hiccups. Then came one I couldn’t shake…

    I’m rejoicing now in the strength I see in my son but I still wish he (we / I) wasn’t going through it. Sometimes you just need to roll with your blessings and share your strengths.

  2. godshouldnthave said

    Your third eye is just temporarily blind. You have been tested my friend. Do not discount your own struggles because others seem to have endured what you consider worse. Pain is relative. Keep playing your game the way the little guide in your brain recommends. You will never settle on a concrete set of values, habits, emotions, reactions, beliefs, or philosophies.
    Learn from your constant state of flux. A flux that you can never actually control.

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